Sabbatical

Recently, I was thinking about not writing on this anymore.

I had/have a very strong conviction that our current culture promotes a very "I" life style, as if our lives are a Broadway show to be played out in front of an audience. I know for many people this is not the case, but I have constantly fell into this. And when that happens I lose something sacred about myself, about being alive.

This blog has become that to me. It has become a show, something for people to look at and clap at, to disagree with, to applaud, to compliment.

I have made a promise to myself that when I realize I am putting my life on show, I will immediately get off the stage, or more accurately, close the curtains. I know there are probably only 5 people who read this thing, but I guess thats besides the point. A promise is a promise.

So instead of ending this blog, I am just going to take a break. A summer vacation. I think they call it a sabbatical.

See you in September.

Back in Red(with yellow stars)

I have successfully made it back to China.

A few months ago when I tried to get a visa in Delhi, I was told that all the Chinese embassys were only giving out 1 month tourist visas until after the Olympics. This definitely stood in the way of my plan, considering I was hoping to stay until December.

After a lot of thought, prayer, ranting to Russ, and stretching my patience to its limit, I decided to send my passport back to Texas to an agency who said they could "probably" process a 1 year visa. So I Fedexed it from Kathmandu.

And waited.

And then waited some more.

Waiting sucks. There's no more elegant way to put it.

So I waited. I ate..a lot. Read a few books. Worried. Listened to music. Worried some more. Used the internet. Broke down. Prepared my heart for the worst. And kept waiting.

God must have a sense of humor because we are in situations where we have to wait for something our entire life. I heard someone say once that when we pray it doesn't change God, it changes us. I think that might be part of waiting. We can pray and pray to God that God gives us what we want, what we are waiting for, and when we get it our hearts are thankful but not changed. But when we begin to pray and ask God to do as God pleases with the situation, and ask God to prepare out hearts for whatever the outcome, whether or not we get what we are waiting for, we are changed by it.

I know that God used this situation to change my heart.

And in the end, like I said, I am back in China. I received a 1 year multiple entry visa which is unheard of right now. And I am thankful for it. I am thankful that God is faithful, not to what I want or think I need, but to what God knows I need.

Hot News and Cold Coffee

I read a book back when I was in China by the Dalai Lama. I don't remember the exact quote but in a response to a question about anger, he said something along the lines that anger is almost always a destructive thing unless it leads to a sense of urgency and action.

That said...

I decided a few months ago that I was going to make a conscious effort to stay up to date on what was going on in the world. It seemed logical considering I have been traveling around it for the last year. Up until recently, I just wasn't interested. I had no idea about anything besides what I picked up from random conversations. Other than the elections back at home, I was basically oblivious to what was going on in the world that I had been living in. I'm embarrassed to say it but its true.

So with this change of heart, I set out to take in as much as a could. I bought every weekly magazines and daily newspaper I could. Then I would sit down over a cup of coffee and read. Id finish a cup, make another one, and read some more. It was almost romantic. Hot news and cold coffee.

I was hoping to just read objectively and just take in what I was reading without a bias. I hadn't set out to form an opinion but after a few weeks I was beginning to have an opinion on everything. Things I didn't even know were going on the week before, I had something to say about it. And to be honest, I didn't like it. I liked knowing what was going on in the world, but I didn't like having an opinion.

Here's why:

I think that opinions can be applied to the statement the Dalai Lama made about anger - opinions are almost always a destructive thing unless they lead to a sense of urgency and action.

I don't say that as an excuse to be oblivious about what is going on in the world, or to any other thing or subject you can take an opinion. The only other thing worse than a stagnant opinion is oblivion.

But what good does having an opinion on anything do unless it leads to some type of action? Having a well rounded opinion on something can be extremely dangerous because it can provide the illusion that we are connected to the subject of our opinion without doing anything about it.

Take for example politics. I have sat at many a conversations where people can argue about their politcal opinion all night until the sun comes up. But when the sun comes up, they dont do anything about it. Their opinion never takes an action. All it is is a tool to manipulate and dominate a conversation.

Or maybe religion, dare I say Christianity? Every Christian has an opinion on what it is to live as a Christ follower. And many can have in-depth conversations about theology and their opinion on a certain interpretation of this or that verse. But rarely do our opinions ever turn to action. The message of Christianity is simple. If Christians actually lived based of their opinions and conviction, the world would be a much different place.

I don't write this from a high and mighty platform. I am writing it because I am guilty of it. If I lived based on my opinions of things, my life would be radically different. I would be doing more with what I have been given. But its hard.

Its easy to have an opinion, but the challenge is actually to let your opinion change who you are and how you act. If having an opinion on something doesn't actually lead to action, I would question our motive for having an opinion in the first place.

(this is long and probably doesn't make much sense, back to the news and coffee)