Tension...

There seems to be something in our human nature that pushes us to stay out of situations, conversations, beliefs, and relationships that put us in an environment of tension.

We always want things to be black and white. One side or the other. We want things to be spelled out for us, written in stone so that we can always look back on things and let them tell us who we are.

Why? I think the obvious answer is that we want to be comfortable. When things are black and white we can stop thinking about them and struggling with them. We can sit in our chair drinking coffee and reading the paper knowing that nothing is going to rock our world becuase we have already figured it all out. We neatly package every situation, conversation, set of beliefs, and relationship and then stamp a label on the top that either says black or white, good or bad.

Where does that leave us...?

Comfortable but not learning. Safe but not imagining. And in most cases if we are honest, bored.

But we still continue to do this day in and day out. Never letting new ideas infultrate us and have a chance to influence us, not to mention, God forbid, they change us.

Why?

Because living in the middle, in the grey, in the tension, is uncomfortable. We never feel like we can put our foot down on something. There never seems to be level ground below our ideas and beliefs when you are in the tension.

I have been learning more and more everyday I am on this journey that though living in the tension of life is uncomfortable, it holds the essence of what it means to live, learn, and imagine.

Take a rubberband for instance( I hope this isnt to cheesy). When a rubberband is not being used it is basically worthless. A rubberband sitting on a table can be used for nothing. But when we stretch the rubberband, when we apply tension, we can use the rubber band for numerous useful and helpful things. But, we have to also realize that if we stretch a rubberband to far, we apply to much tension, it will snap and again be useless.

It is only when the rubberband is in the middle of the tension, not stretched to far but stretched enough to apply pressure, that it can actually be useful and do what it was made to do.

I believe that when we allow ourselves to live without tension we are just like an unstretched rubberband on a table. We are not being used for what we were made to do. We are not allowing ourselves to think the way we were made to, to be creative, frustrated, loving, irritated, amazed...I could go on forever.

I know for myself that my most amazing and creative ideas, work, and thoughts are concieved in times when I experience great tension in my life and in my heart. When I am being stretched, twisted, and confronted with the things around me. There are the few, but inspirational, times in my life when instead of running to my coffee and newpaper, I let the tension become a part of me and let it change me and influence me.

I hope and pray that as friends and family we encourage each other to step outside of comfort and black and white and step into the tensions of life, allowing it to influence us and change us. Allowing us to become more understanding and passionate, more kindhearted and humble.

On the Go

Russ (my good friend from California) and I have been "on the go" now for about 2 weeks. We have traveled from one coast of India to the other and will be heading north in a day.

Contrary to popular belief traveling like this can be a boat load of work!:

Booking bus tickets becuase the train is sold out, then finding out a state border is closed due to fighting. Rebooking the bus tickets. Arriving in a new city at 11pm and trying to find a hotel that is open, not to mention one that is clean. Knowing how much money you have but also what you want to do and trying to reconcile the two in your head. Trying to plan an itenerary but all the while knowing that whatever you plan will never actually play out that way and trying to keep a calm and good spirited mind about it all.

I wont even bring up the fact that we are India, one of the most interesting, hard to understand countries I have been to on my journey!

But you know, with all that said, the actual hard part about traveling like this is trying to say focused on your daily struggles and thoughts and not getting consumed with the bigger picture of traveling and inteneraries. Its easy to stop caring about people and treating them will love when you are stressed out about how you are going to make it to the next city.

Its easy to forget about the little things that make us human: smiling or laughing with a stranger, complimenting someone, saying thank you and meaning it at the smallest of gestures.

I dont think that this concept is tied to traveling around India.

It happens to us all. Everyday. Whoever we are. Wherever we are:

I have to drop the kids at school today, but Timmy has to be there early because of band practice. Dont forget to pack their lunches. Is Barbara picking them up today? The car needs and oil change but I cant do it until Sunday. I really hope that Bob come through with his side of the deal this time. I cant keep picking up his slack.

And in the meantime you forgt to kiss your wife goodbye and tell your kids you love them and mean it. Or smile at the old lady crossing the street.

Its the same in India as it is in California. Its the same or a 25 year old vagabond kid and a 50 year old business man:

Life is busy and stressful and overwhelming and makes it easy to forget that there is alot more to life than just living.

I think that wherever and whoever we are, at some point in our day we need to be able to say to ourselves, "This is it. This is living." Whether is comes from smiling at a stranger, kissing your wife or girlfriend, or playing soccer with a couple of random kids, it doesnt matter.

Just by doing this we are acknowledging that we ARE alive outside the noise and struggles and stresses of our lives.

This is it. This is living.

Disneyland

Do you remember what it felt like the first time you pulled into the parking lot of Disneyland or a place like it? The excitement, wonder, and awe that comsumed your heart? The sense of adventure you felt and the overwhelming joy?

Last night I took a train from Tuni, India where I was working to Chennai to meet my friend who will be joining me for 2 months. I settled into my humble bunk bed and began listening to the Rolling Stones. Once the train began to move I instantly and involuntarily grew a ridiculous smile that stretched from ear to ear. It felt like I was a child again, walking up to the ticket counter at Disneyland with my dad, not able to contain my excitement. I was filled with joy and aware of the adventure I was a part of.

This feeling has touched my heart over and over again on this journey. There are times when its just not possible to hide the excitement that overwhelms me.

Everytime I sit on the back of a motorcycle taxi and ride through the streets of a new city with my backpack strapped to my back, I can't help but to feel like a child overwhelmed with the feeling of excitement and awe at what I'm doing or about to do.

Everytime I get on a train and sit by the door and let the air blow on my face as we pass through the countryside, I am reminded that this is my dream. A real dream that has become reality and my heart is consumed with excitement.

I hope that I always have moments in my life when I am overwhelmed with this childlike excitement. Those moments when every other thought escapes you and you can only see the beauty of what you are involved in right then and there. These moments help us remember that we are living and that we will always be children in a way, dreaming and imagining and experiencing everything that this amazing world has to offer.

Static( The Opressed Heart)

Wow. March is finished. I never thought that the month was going to end.

I was trying to explain to a friend what the last month was like and compare it to something that would make sense. I came up with this:

It was like trying to go to sleep in a room with a television tuned to static and the volume all the way up. Imagine the frustration, turned anger, and then eventually the breakdown you would experience if you were in that situation. Thats the best way I can describe what this last month was like.

Static. All day, everyday.

I could have left, this is true. But in this instance I felt it was something that I needed to experience and I knew that God would use it to work on my hardened heart.

But there are so many other times in my life that I have voluntarily entered into a situation that was full of useless and frustrating static. Static that would get in the way of my creativity, my imagination, and my ability to see life as an opportunity to do something amazing. Static that would oppress my heart to the point that the only thing I could think about was how to make it through each day without breaking down. There is no peripheral world when I get myself into a situation full of static, one that constantly oppresses my heart.

This is what happened to me when I took my job in San Francisco. I saw dollar signs and nothing else when I took the job. Then a few months in I realized that I was miserable. I had voluntarily entered into a situation full of static that eventually oppressed my heart and stole my creativity.

I think we really need to be aware of this. That we as human being tend to get blinded by what is not important in life and eventually loose site of what life is about becuase all the hope and excitement we once had has become oppressed by the static we voluntarily entered into.

If we can keep this fresh in our minds we can approach each situation with a knowledge and strength that won't allow us to get ourselves into these positions. Or maybe if we already are, the strength and perseverence to leave our current situation for something that liberates instead of oppresses.