Names On Walls

This morning, I wrote the names of 3 children who have recently passed away on the wall of our home. I wasn't really close to these particular children and didnt even spend time with 2 of them. Either way, its a very odd and awkward thing to do.

Names on a wall. These children have become names on a wall.

I have had an overwhelming feeling the last 2 months that what I was doing wasn't really making a huge difference in anything. Sure, I spend time with the kids and we have fun. Sometimes I even teach them a thing or two. But, I was beginning to feel that when I left it wouldn't make a difference to the kids and that I would leave no lasting impression through my work here in China. And, to an extent, that is very true. You can't change the world in 3 months.

But today I realized that the way I have been looking at this whole thing is very selfish. I have been so worried about "my" work and what differences "I" can make that I have so easily forgotten that this is not about "my" work or what "I" can do. Its about them. Yes, when I leave the kids here will forget me and I highly doubt any of them will cry because I never walk into their playroom again. But thats not really important.

I have realized that what is important is that they are loved. That they feel comfortable and safe. That they smile. That they laugh. That they experience happiness and joy.

These things are important.

Not me.